4 days vacation in the most romantic city in the world and I'm blue.

Tomorrow I am going to France to spend 4 days there with my hubby. I am sooo excited, and yet kind of dreading it. I am going to miss my boys sooo much. I just hope that they have a fun time at home.
It feels like lately that we are in kind of a funk. The boys have been testing me a lot, and I feel like such a mean mommy, and I've been so on edge with them because I am constantly afraid (probably not the right word) that I am about to face another test. So, I'm sad. I've always got this fear that they will grow up and think that I don't love them. I don't know why that would happen... It may be unwarrented, but nonetheless it is one of my biggest fears.
I don't want to go away with them feeling any bit unloved by me. I wanted today to be a special day that then tomorrow I could leave with them feeling secure and loved, and yet this morning we went through it because both of them wanted to see what they could get away with and I as usual was on edge because of it. Not to blame it on them... I am in control of myself and the way I handle myself.
Anyway, just wondering if anyone else feels like this on a regular basis with their beloveds?
The days is only half over, so maybe this evening will be better as they have been down for naps for a little while now. And, we have a good chunk of tomorrow together. I love them so much... If only it showed better sometimes.